| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
Dear Joey,
I don't know where you are, or if you can or even will read this. I want to say that I wish you were here, but I stopped wishing a long time ago. I wanted to believe you each and every time you said that you wouldn't leave me again, but my head is smarter than my heart. Looking back, I think falling in love with you was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I gave up a piece of myself to you, and I trusted that you would keep it safe, not run away with it and never come back. I trusted you completely, something I have never done with anyone else, and even though I had fears and doubts, in the end, I always stuck with you because I loved you so much. In loving you, I lost my strength and my resilence and now I'm sitting here, typing a letter on a fucking journal that you will never see, crying in public, because this is the last chance I have to say how I feel.
The children are gone, the club was closed down, the house and the car were seized. It's all over. I've used the last bit of money I have to put myself up in a room until the next court date, and I wasted $5 to use this computer at an internet cafe instead of saving the money for something else. I don't have anyone else I can turn to that will help me, there is no way out of this, and even if there was someone, I don't think I would be able to trust them. I trusted you, and where are you now? They came looking for you, and I wouldn't tell them a thing. Not that I honestly have any idea where you are now or why. But even as everything was falling apart, I was still stupid enough to let my heart win and I protected you.
I don't want you to think I hate you. I don't want you to think that nothing good ever came from us being together. You showed me how to trust, how to love, how to laugh and feel it, you showed me how to enjoy the little things in life, you showed me how to be happy. When you were here, you took care of me, you gave me everything I needed and wanted. Maybe that was your mistake, you spoiled me, and I thought that it might just last. Now that it's all over and I'm lower than I was when you found me in that bar two years ago, I wonder if maybe it wasn't all in my head. It was too good to be real.
I loved you.
Cidra
|
numb
pissed off
crushed